I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
