ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize