9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
