I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
