Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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