We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
