I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Randomize
