well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Randomize
