Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Randomize
