This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
