1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
