chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
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