He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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