I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Randomize
