what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
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