I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
BRING THE BAGELS
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
