i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
