you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
