I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
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