the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
