I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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