My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
i need an iv and a liver transplant
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Randomize
