anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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