I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
