Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
It's never too late to be topless.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Randomize
