so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
