Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
