Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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