Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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