Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
