i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
