Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
