Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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