Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
