What tipped you off? The sombrero?
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
