So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
