...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
He has the fingertips of a God
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