No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
