There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
