Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
