It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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