dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
If You’re Hot, It’s Easier For You To Do These 27 Things
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
23 Struggles Kids These Days Will Never Know
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.