K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
