So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.