I hope my margaritas pass through security.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Dating After Heartbreak
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA