i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
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