You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
