id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
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