I'm going to jail i love you
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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