and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
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