I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
She's the barista slut.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
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