so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
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I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
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So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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