Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
