Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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