So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
