She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
