is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
