speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
