did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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