Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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