I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
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