Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
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