If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
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