i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Randomize