break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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