I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
