So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
