I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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