just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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