I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
We left the knife in your bed.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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