I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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