when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
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