All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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