I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
