Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
