i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
