Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Randomize
