I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
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