Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
