What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Randomize
