he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
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your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
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