cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
