Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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