I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
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It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize