Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
