please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
