WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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