I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I deserve this hangover.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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