i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
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